It’s still January and I’m still thinking about the idea of self-worth as a counter to the usual “new year, new you” bullshit we’re exposed to at this time of year. But do we really have inherent self-worth? And, if so, why?
We rarely ask this question. Instead, we typically act as if the opposite is true: that we must be constantly productive (or: successful, helpful, fun, healthy, attractive etc) to be of any worth. Or, because that’s such a tiring way to live, we simply assume that all human beings have inherent self-worth, no matter who you are or what you do.
We can do better than this. We can believe in our inherent worth while still trying to be a better person. And we can learn how to “love ourselves” without reducing that phrase to an empty new age trope or a cliched piece of relationship advice.
The idea of having inherent self-worth is a relatively new one in human history. It wasn’t until 1850 that societies started to take seriously the idea that all human beings have dignity - an inherent self-worth that forms the basis of universal human rights. Before then, human dignity was a status-based notion - it was considered to be something that only rich, high-minded people had, and the rest of society lacked.
Universal human dignity and worth is a profound idea - one that means, on some fundamental level, all human beings are equal. But, is it true? Do we all have basic self-worth? What makes us, on a fundamental level, all worthy of love and respect?
This is a question that philosophers have found consistently difficult to answer (see here for an example of some philosophers trying to figure it out). In his set of Gifford Lectures, entitled One Another’s Equals: The Basis of Human Equality (linked above), the philosopher Jeremy Waldron attempts to do just that. He argues that humans have inherent self-worth due to their fundamental capacities for reason, autonomy, moral agency, and the ability to love.
I think there’s a lot right about this view. But, as it stands, it doesn’t do the idea of basic self-worth justice. It fails to account for the inherent worth of human beings who may lack some of these capacities, such as those who suffer from profound disabilities. Any view of basic self-worth that ends up creating an in-group of humans who have it, and an out-group of humans who don’t, is majorly mistaken.
What Waldron’s account gets right is that all of his four fundamental capacities share one thing in common: human beings the potential to do better.
It’s this fact about human beings - their potentiality - that gives us all inherent self-worth. No matter who you are or what you do, you can always be and do better. That’s what forgiveness and compassion are all about. You’re not defined by your past actions, nor are you definied by your circumstances. A better future is always possible.
When you love someone, you’re more able to see this fundamental worth. No matter what weaknesses they have, or the poor decisions they’ve made in their life, or how annoying they are according to other people, you have the privilege of seeing who they really could be if only they had enough acceptance, confidence and support.
This was the primary idea behind humanist psychology in 1950s, advocated by the likes of Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow (of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs fame). With the unconditional regard of a therapist, people could come to accept and better understand themselves, take responsibility for their lives and grow as a person.
Of course, this process is far from simple. You can have all the emotional support in the world, but still not become the person you want. Your goals may fail due to sheer bad luck, you may have to change track due to illness, or your ideas of who you want to be may change over time. A society that truly recognised people’s basic worth and potential would provide everyone not just with universal human rights, but also universal goods and services, such as a universal basic income, healthcare, lifelong education, housing and care. These are the material conditions required for people to make the most of their inherent worth - their potential as a human being.
We’re a long way off this. As the article linked above notes, very few people are fortunate enough - i.e. have enough material and emotional support - to fully realise their potential. We’ve all got some extremely difficult hang-ups from childhood about what’s acceptable and who we can be. Most people are simply too busy trying to get by, to meet the pressures and demands of life, including their need for love and recognition. “New year, new you” bullshit doesn’t help.
Could we begin to help ourselves by seeing our inherent worth and giving ourselves the love and respect that all human beings deserve?
What does it even mean to “love yourself”? So often people say this phrase as if it’s obvious, as if everyone would do so if only they had the time. But love is way more complicated than that. Loving yourself may be one of the hardest things you can do for one very simple reason: in many ways, you are extremely unloveable.
As an individual, you have plenty of flaws and inadequacies. If you let your whole self out into the world, you’d probably cause plenty of upset and offense - not necessarily through any malice on your part, but simply because other people are equally as scared and insecure as you are. As a human being, simply through the act of being alive, you’re partly responsible for the destruction of rainforests and oceans, for the killing of animals, and for the cheap and unsafe labour of other human beings.
None of these things are good. You are not perfect just the way you are. You’ve got plenty of work to do. We all do.
So, in many ways, you shouldn’t easily love yourself, in the same way that you shouldn’t love everyone indiscrimanently. Love, trust and respect must be earned.
AND, there is still something inherently loveable about you. You’re an individual human being, and all human beings have potential. No matter who you are and what you do, there’s always a reason to pay attention to who you could be. You can always accept who you are now and, with that understanding, try to do things better.
Plus, once you start paying more attention to all your unique possibilities, you may come to realise many of the ways in which you’re loveable on top of your basic self-worth. That was the theme of last week’s newsletter: how, from a connection mindest, your actions are highly influential within your social networks, particularly within your close relationships, and this can have profound consequences in the long-term.
So yes, go ahead and try to love yourself. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it. Like the love you have for others, it may be one of the most important things you do.
I’d love to hear from you and your thoughts on self-worth and self-love. We’re all in this together after all. Feel free to reply directly or leave a comment below :-)