Happy new year all. I decided not to do an end-of-year reflections post last week (mostly because I was on holiday). But I can’t resist starting the new year without writing something on new year’s resolutions. Don’t worry, this won’t be telling you how you could be the “new you” in 2022. I quite like the current version of you too much for that. Hopefully, instead, it’ll give you some ideas for how you can focus on the things that really matter to you this year, without treating yourself like shit :-)
It seems that we love nothing more than productivity. I’ve written about this plenty of times before. In particular, the need to focus quality work - which is much harder to measure and define - than just being busy and doing lots of stuff. You can tick off all the items on your to-do list, get your inbox down to zero, and feel a temporary sense of satisfaction. But you may be no closer to doing what you really want to do in life. Somewhat ironically, our obsessive focus on productivity and efficiency often takes us away from the things that really matter.
Productivity hacks are compelling because they give us quick wins. Take, for example, this BBC article on how you can use various apps to effectively change your habits in 2022. Now, who wouldn’t want that? The problem is not that productivity hacks don’t work - they often do. The problem is the exact opposite: there are so many quick wins out there that you can end up focusing on nothing else. Think of it this way: you’re constantly being presented with the following choice: a) do difficult, uncomfortable and uncertain work that might just be what matters in the long run, or b) take this quick win. It’s no surprise that short-term productivity hacks come out on top.
Eventually, however, the cult of productivity will prove to be hollow and ineffective. At worse, it will result in burnout. In the linked article above, L. M. Sacasas argues that “frenetic activity or compulsive distraction substitutes for a clear sense of purpose and commitment.” When people cease to focus on meaningful connections, they instead “take refuge in tracking and optimizing an increasing range of activities and bodily functions… I may not know where I am going or why, but I can take some comfort in knowing that I can travel faster and more efficiently.”
Sacasas offers a few pieces of sage advice to resist the pull of productivity gains. This is his final piece of advice: “Refuse the ever-present temptation to control and manage the thing we call life - for there is no surer way to miss it.” I couldn’t agree more.
If not productivity then what? In the habit-changing spirit of new year’s resolutions, a better place to start is to learn skills and character traits. Here are three reasons why:
First, happiness comes from learning, not rewards. This is one of the key findings to come out of the neuroscience of happiness literature. Achieving your goals doesn’t necessarily make you happier. Instead, happiness comes from doing better than you expected. And here’s the thing: you often expect to do well, especially when it comes to achieving your goals (why have a goal if you don’t expect to achieve it?). What makes you happy is doing well above-and-beyond your expectations. This is effectively what learning is. When you learn new skills, you inevitably grow in unexpected ways.
Second, learning skills is an enduring process - one that you can never really fail at. As Mark Manson notes in his newsletter edition on new year’s resolutions (linked above), skills can always be learned and worked on: “The beauty of focusing on skills is that it’s never done. The old cliché is that we all set goals in January and give up on them by February. But if you focus on a skill, no matter how bad you are at it, you can still work on it in February, and March, on through the year.”
Third, character traits are simply skills worth learning. Maria Popova, curator of The Marginalian, recently gathered some “attainable aspirations inspired by great humans of the past.” They include: Toni Morrison’s on learning how to “Cherish your body”. Hannah Arendt on learning how to “Love without fear of loss.” Leo Tolstoy on learning how to “Choose kindness.” And Alex Baldwin on learning how to “Have tenderness for how hard it is to be human.” I encourage you to read the piece in full (linked below) and hope that at least one of them inspires you.
There’s one thinker from The Marginalian piece who inspires me the most: Victor Frankl. Most known for his seminal book, Man’s Search For Meaning, written during his time in Auschwitz, Frankl had a unique gift for seeing what really matters in life, even when almost everything that mattered had been taken away from him. In a series of lectures, recently compiled into the book, Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything, Frankl speaks of the importance of three things in particular: beauty, nature and people.
On the subject of beauty, he asks you to consider “the following thought experiment: imagine that you are sitting in a concert hall and listening to your favorite symphony, and your favorite bars of the symphony resound in your ears, and you are so moved by the music that it sends shivers down your spine; and now imagine that it would be possible (something that is psychologically so impossible) for someone to ask you in this moment whether your life has meaning. I believe you would agree with me if I declared that in this case you would only be able to give one answer, and it would go something like: “It would have been worth it to have lived for this moment alone!””
He goes on to say the same about the natural world and others: “Those who experience, not the arts, but nature, may have a similar response, and also those who experience another human being. Do we not know the feeling that overtakes us when we are in the presence of a particular person and, roughly translates as, The fact that this person exists in the world at all, this alone makes this world, and a life in it, meaningful.”
Reading Frankl reminds me that it’s relationships that really matter. New year’s resolutions are often so pitiful because they’re premised on the idea that meaning comes simply from achieving your goals - as if achievement is some kind of shortcut to personal fulfillment. It’s not. What really matters are your relationships - with yourself, with beauty, with others, with nature - and they aren’t things you can readily achieve. They must be maintained and nurtured. They must be cared for, without guarantee of reward. Which is tremendously difficult. But, ultimately, you have no choice - they’re the only thing worth your time and effort. This year and the next.
Thanks Sam, nice to read an approach to NY resolutions that doesn't (explicitly) involve protein shakes and a fit bit.